This is not a good day
I can't do Haiku today. I have to work. I love work. But not on Thursdays. I want to Haiku on Thursdays. If I don't bring my numbers up at work I'm going to be fired. I have only a month to bring them up. I'm going to lose my 32 hour work week privlege. I'm not happy. My cousin is abandoning me to go to Idaho. She never would go out of state with just me. My little brother is distant again. He's using me for my car. My older brother has moved too far for me to go see him any old time. I miss my kids. My grams is still fighting about the house. I don't want to move. My mom is having problems. I'm worried for my mom. My grandma is sick and I never visit her. I should go see her before she dies. My uncle is spoiling his kids. He's also saying things around them he shouldn't. They're smarter than he gives them credit for. Kryssie has a book of mine from the library. It's 2 months overdue. I started my 100 things list. I don't know if I can finish it. I miss David. I miss Mike. I miss Miranda. I just miss the old days. The days when I was a juevenille. The days I thought of only myself. I don't remember a time I wasn't worried about something or someone. I don't remember a time I didn't miss a friendship I had killed because I was scared. I have a fear of committment. This is close enough to a list of a hundred things that I should just use this. I know nearly all of my relatives birthdays. At least the ones I see and know. I have never met my Uncle Rob. I've never met my Aunt Sherry. I barely know my mom's other siblings. They all live out of state. I had a bad childhood. But I loved a lot of it. I would do a few things different if I could have a second chance at life. I wouldn't change others. I wish I were less emotional. I wish I wasn't so cold-hearted. I want a boyfriend who will give me giant stuffed animals for the hell of it. I don't like stuffed animals. I want a guy who is creative with gifts. I don't think I'm deserving of presents. I do things and buy stuff for people to make myself feel loved. I love seeing a look of joy on a friends face when they get something they've wanted for a long time. I hate to see sadness in any persons features. I won't console someone who is sad. My emotions seem to rub off on those around me. I can make people laugh if I don't try. I cannot make a person laugh if I try. I get bored easily. I never get bored if I'm reading a good/interesting book. I work with music on all day. I listen to alternative music. I do like some country songs. I've worn jeans 97% of the past year. I alternate the main article of clothing each year. This year is jeans. Last was skirts. Year before that was Overalls. And year before that was Jeans. I do the same thing with stories/poetry/art/journals. This year is journals. My journal is this. I have a few secrets that I've told no one. I probably never will. I don't feel comfortable thinking about my future. I claim to never want to marry. I feel lonely. I'm sad. I'm tired.
posted by Skitz @ 3/18/2004 12:20:00 PM
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