Sunday, November 14, 2010

Just a passing whimsey

So for the last few weeks I've needed to say a few things that I can't really say to anyone. Since no one remembers I have this, here is a perfect spot to vent.

I like being alone. Sometimes I miss having someone to hold. But, for the most part, I really do prefer being alone. I don't have to lie to someone, I don't have to tell them I love them, I don't have to spend money on them to get them to care for me, I don't have to face disappointment. I know that all sounds cynical, but it's all I've ever known in relationships. They force me to lie, they beg for me to admit my love, they make me feel like I have to pay for everything, and then they disappoint me in the end. I'm tired of slaving for relationships. So, I'm happy to be alone.

Second thing? I can't even say it on here. For fear that someone really will remember that I have this.

You know how in July I sliced open my leg and got stitches? I couldn't feel it. Not a single sting. I was so dead then that I couldn't feel. I know I told everyone I did it to get control over myself, but sometimes I wonder if that was really the reason.

My little bro is coming home from his tour of duty in Afghanistan. He hits stateside on the 21st of this month and then will be in Utah on Dec 3rd. It's good that he'll be home. I missed him.